I guess I'll just launch right into it, here.
Over the past year at college, a lot of things have happened, and I feel as if I have been forced to grow up in a year. All the sudden, my entire childhood and teenage years are just gone, and now it's finally time for me to realize that I'm an adult.
And I'm excited and scared to death.
There are times that I can't breathe because I'm so excited, and there are times that I can't stop crying because I'm so scared.
I've never been so scared of something in my life. I understand things now. I understand the issues of money. I mean, before, I understood it, but I never really comprehended the importance of it.
Now I don't understand why my parents bought me all the stuff I don't need, (and still ask for because we're selfish human beings).
Anyway, I guess I just needed a place to put all of these new feelings, so I'm writing to my lack of readers here.
God has been seriously speaking to me lately. For a while, I thought that I was good with Him, but then I stepped back and looked at my life this past year, and realized that I haven't been praying, or reading my Bible, or even really going to church, and it sucks.
So lately, as I said, God has been speaking into my life, and sending people in my life that I need, or keeping people that are already in my life. I have been seriously humbled when I step back and realize that I have spent countless hours crying and thinking that I had nobody to turn to, and I could have spent all that time praying.
Praying.
This word has a whole new meaning to me now. As a kid growing up in a Christian home, I always prayed, and knew what it meant, but now I GET it.
I have a need to pray.
I don't even know how else to say it. But all this worrying needs to stop, and all the praying I should have done before needs to start now.
He has put a new desire in my heart to be closer to Him than I ever have been before.
I'm so excited to grow up now.
Because now, growing up means that I understand everything better. I look at the world differently than I have my whole life. I can remember what having faith like a child means, and try to practice it as an adult.
I can change, and I can change people.
School sucks, but that's okay. Money sucks, but that's okay. Because I'm not supposed to worry about it. God will always take care of me, and that's the only thing that matters.
So, He tells me to paint on! I will keep taking my life one day at a time, and will keep adding beautiful colors to the painting that is my life.
Because life is an art.
I realize now that God is not the one holding the paintbrush. I am. Because my life is my choice. But he will always be there when I don't know what to do.
